I am so tired, but it is a good tired. I have spent the better part of the last 2 days "getting back to the dirt." I will explain. But, before I do you must know that I grew up on a big farm in Southern Alberta Canada. My childhood was on the farm. My friends were the horses, frogs, cows, dogs, and cats. I was content. As content as I have ever been in my life. My Dad and brother drove the tractors and tilled and seeded the land. The dirt smell and how it felt in my hands made me happy I was content. The animals made me happy. Not just outside happy, inside to my core happy. I did not need things or stuff to make me happy, because my soul was content. I was full!
 I have spent a lifetime looking for things that made me happy, content, full, but it never is the same happy. I am not talking about the happiness that my children and grandchildren give me, that is different. I am talking about Marla and what fills her core.
It did not dawn on me how important the dirt was to me, or really how it made me feel, until recently. It was early in the morning and Jake was plowing the field by the road. I was all dressed up on my way to court driving my little red Porsche. These details are important and you will see why. As I drove by I watched the plow turn the dirt and something stirred inside me. "Stop Marla, feel the dirt." My response back to myself was " I am too busy, all gussed up and going to the office." I am in a hurry." Then again, "Stop Marla, feel the dirt." I never have listened the first time, but now I am listening. So I stopped. Got out of my car and walked out into the field in my fancy high heels. I bent down and picked up some dirt in my hand. I held it, feeling the texture, the coolness, it felt alive. Then I smelled it. It was vibrant and fresh and brought back oh, so many memories. It touched my heart and tears rolled down my cheeks. Tears of joy. I was content. I liked myself I did not need anything else. It was overwhelming to me.
My husband, Jake watched from the tractor as he was plowing the field. he must have wondered why his wife had stopped her car and was now outstanding in the field in her high heels and suit holdind dirt in her hand. If he would have seen the tears he would have thought me crazy.
The need to stop and have that moment was very compeling. I stood there for a while longer and then let the dirt fall from my hand. And I walked out of that field back to my car. I did not walk out of the field that same person that walked in. I took with me soemthing very important. I took with me the knowledge of my need to connect with the dirt. My need to feel that feeling of content and I am whole.
Nothing I could purchase would ever duplicate how that that handful of dirt made me feel. Not a fancy suit, not high heels, not my little red car, nothing.... just dirt. Why? Because it filled me. It made me whole and reminded me what is really important to me. Other stuff is fun. But does it hit you in your core, your soul? Do you connect? Are you whole after the experience? It is different for all of us. Until we find it we will keep looking and filling the holes with things that do not fit and do not make us whole. Sometimes we expect others to fill the hole and no matter how hard they try or what they do the hole is there. It is my job to fill my hole. I make me whole, no one else.
Now I often think back to that day in high heels and that freshly plowed dirt and savor the moment. And, I look for more ways to get back to the dirt and feel like I did. Planted a garden today, potted plants in the outdoor kitchen, planted a herb garden, put geraniums on the front porch.
Now I walk around and am reminded and it feels great and I am content. My soul is resting and I am too for the first time in years.  

It has been too long!

So I fell down a flight of cement stairs. Certainly not on purpose. While I was falling I kept thinking, "I wish this falling would stop so I can assess the damage." Well when I did not stop the damage was a left forearm, left knee abraisons, abraisons to on my left hand, left ankle and left toes. I took seven  bandages to cover the abrasions to help stop the pain. It took weeks to get over the event!!!!
My running and exercising took a hit, and I admit now that I used the pain as an excuse.

So when I start something it seems like I stop and self sabatoge with out even really thinking about it. I think it starts out with the feeling that I can not do what I have set out to do. The first step to fix something is to recognize the problem and then chose to fix the problem. You decide to either empower you or enpower the problem.

Therefore, the couch to 5 k plan is back on track, and it is going well. The P90x abd ripper x is awful but good. It is hard to start anything more than chair sitting and TV watching, but the finish sure feels good.

So back at it, here we go????!!!!!

What Now!

 I thought about how I was going to implement the "plan" when I didn't really have the plan. Then when my Success magazine came I listened to the enclosed CD. One of the contributing speakers was Mel Robbins. She was speaking about her new book entitled Stop Saying You're Fine. I went to the bookstore and purchased the book. Ms. Robbins, I think I will call her Mel, speaks about how 100 million Americans are secretly frustrated with their lives. Well at least I am not alone. So my plan is to implement Mel's book in my life. I am the experiement. Chapter One - Stop Hitting the Snooze Button.
Well that is my favorite button. Every morning for as long as I can remember I have hit the snooze button, sometimes many times, and I mean many! Mel says when "I hit the snooze button I surrender power." The snooze button " allows you to effortlessly delay the real work of changing your life." So what I have resolved to do is NOT HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON. That should be easy and so far it is. "No one is going coming to do this for you. You need to push yourself and move forward."
Well I am going to fix the my physical self first. Honing the sword. So I have committed to do the entire 12 weeks of the P 90 X fitness program. I weighed, measured and took pictures, No I am not going to post the pictures or the numbers. They are not bad, but I need to be the best I can be. So therefore my plan is to be that me.
I am on week 3 and really like it. I knew change was needed when I wore my spanx under my sweat pants at the Raymond 5k. Why was I not running with my daughter in the 5k. I recently ran in the Draper 5k and did quite well. I am afarid to run in the Raymond 5k. So now I will share with all that I am going to be ready to run in the Raymong 5k in 2012. AND I will not be wearing my spanx under my sweat pants.

The Plan.

Usually I expect to make gigantic changes of Me with minimal to no planning. And then when I do succeed I can get discouraged and revert back to "normal " Me. One of my favorite quotes is  "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."  Albert Einstein

We all get into our routine and live life, letting time go by and not really participating. Kind of like a being on a life raft drifting hither and nigh on the ocean. Each time a large wave hits the raft it responds by going in another direction. Each time life hits us, do we just drift in another direction OR do we grab an oar, start a motor and create our own direction. We can count on life to buffet us with "waves." We cannot control that, the only thing we can control is our reaction to the "waves."

I have a plan to deal with the buffeting. Now instead of doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result I am grabbing an oar, no I am grabbing a turbocharged four stroke trunk piston diesel engine such as a Wartsila, Pielstick, Sulzer, MAK etc. (as found in the majority of ocean going vessels) and taking control of Me!!!

So I will look at the six areas of my life that I want to change. Determine my optimal expectation and develop a plan. Why? Because I deserve it and so do you.

Remember the next 50 are the Me years. To be the best Me I can be. This is not selfish. Everyone around you will benefit.  Keep reading.... 

Hello

I am ready, finally! The journey I am inviting you to join me on will not just be my ride but yours as well. My hope and my need is that we together can become what we should be. The first 50 years were my work years, growing up, getting through school, getting married, raising a family, working, starting a career, getting divorced, moving to another country, getting married again, going to school, starting another career, watching my children get married, and becoming a grandmother. All in the first 50 years. That is why the next 50, the play 50 are going to be so exciting. Join me, Play with me. I plan on figuring out how I can be the best me I can be. Why? Because I said so and because I got here! My plan over the next year is to disect every area of my life and evaulate it to make sure I am the best Me I can be. The next 50 years are my mine.

So if you are brave join me.